


Afterglow

by ryumantic



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29654721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryumantic/pseuds/ryumantic
Summary: Julia Choi is endlessly in love with Shin Ryujin.So in love that she stays behind to watch over her, even when her time's run out.A love story that ended even before it could start.
Relationships: Choi Jisu | Lia/Shin Ryujin, Hwang Yeji/Shin Ryujin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	Afterglow

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a writer by any means, I only write for fun. Even though this story is proofread, please excuse the possible typos in there, hehe. I hope you'll like it <3

The atmosphere was gloomy at best. 

Well, not that she could properly tell. Everything was in black and white, literally. 

It felt like she was watching some old film she could've found in her halmeoni 's attic, hidden away in some dusty box. If only it was as simple as that. 

She sighed, burying her face into her hands. 

She couldn't look at anyone, she couldn't risk crying. She didn't want to make things harder than they already were for herself. 

While staring at the flickering flames, she couldn't help but wonder why she was still there. She wasn't supposed to be. She thought she would be grateful for more time, but every millisecond has been agonizing so far. 

"Maybe it's because I haven't said goodbye," she blurted out, immediately looking around to check if anyone else had heard. She secretly hoped someone did. 

The walk to the front pew was the hardest. Seeing all the tear stained faces, the look of fresh sorrow, anguish even. It was like that moment in the car all over again. 

She sat down on the cold wooden block, beside a person who looked like she was drowning in her own tears. Her heart shattered, and she didn't know how to pick up the pieces. 

"Ju-Julia-a" 

Her voice alone was enough to make her crack. A tear rolled down her cheek, more followed. 

"Ryuddaengie? Ryuddaengie, I'm here! Look, look!" The brunette tried to pull on the blonde's arms, but the latter couldn't feel a thing. 

"Ryuddaeng, Julia's here. I'm here. Can you see me? Can you hear me? Ryuddaeng? Ryujin?" 

She felt foolish, hoping that the girl would know she was right there, sitting beside her. She slipped her hand into Ryujin's, both were cold. 

Julia faced the altar where a shiny rectangular white box caught her eye. Rose petals were scattered on the floor, she smiled momentarily. They were probably pink and white ones, they were her favorites. 

A picture was propped up against a black stand. It was hers. 

Julia Choi, July 21, 2000 - February 29, 2028 

The flames were extinguished.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She sat on the couch, watching the sunrise. 

She would catch the faint yellows and oranges, tinges of pink here and there. They were still pale, but she was glad she could finally see in color.

It's been two months since her passing, yet she still hasn't gone anywhere. She was starting to think that neither Heaven or Hell actually existed. 

She wasn't complaining, at least she could spend more time with Ryujin, despite the fact that the blonde didn't actually know she was still around. 

"Good morning sunshine!" Her heart fluttered as she heard the girl's voice. It sunk when she realized that the blonde was talking to a picture frame. 

The brunette follows her into their kitchen. 

Julia wraps her arms around Ryujin's back as the latter takes two of everything. She never forgets to fix the brunette some breakfast. It's never crossed her mind that she was wasting her food supply. 

The blonde sets two bowls of oatmeal, and two mugs of hot chocolate down on their small coffee table, the one they bought when they first moved into the apartment together. 

Ryujin swallows her first bite of oatmeal before proceeding to tell Julia all about her dream from the previous night. It's become their new routine, well Ryujin's new routine, but she prefers to call it theirs because she didn't mind doing so for whatever time she had left. 

Ryujin's dreams were usually about her, about them, about old memories, about the life they could've had together. 

Julia remembers day dreaming about growing old together, about having a family of their own, about walking down the aisle and sealing their fate with a kiss. 

They were robbed, and every time she remembers, a part of her heart crumbles. 

"Julia? I love you. Can you come back to me? I don't know how I'm supposed to go on living without you." 

The brunette reaches for the blonde's hand and traps it in hers, desperately hoping they would warm it, even just a little. 

"I love you too, Ryujin, forever. And I'll stay with you for as long as I can."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her vision was back to dull grayscale hues, and no matter how fast she tried to blink, she couldn't catch a squint of color. 

They were at the cemetery, and she was sitting on semi damp gray blades of grass, unable to look at the love of her life. 

"Julia, it's been a year since you've left us, but I'm still here, waiting for you to come back," The brunette prepared herself for another heart wrenching speech. 

"I know it's so selfish of me to wish you were still here instead of hoping you're in a happier, better place. But you were happy with me, right?" 

Julia crawled over to where Ryujin was kneeling, and put her head on her shoulder, hoping she could at least comfort her, but she knew she couldn't. 

"It was supposed to be me, I wanted it to be me. My sunshine, why?" 

Julia bit her lip as the memory of the accident came flooding back. 

It was a rainy night, and the roads were slick. They were driving home from a date. She didn't know what or when, but something went wrong. Everything was going by in a blur, then she saw the tree. She didn't need another second to think, she threw herself over to the driver's seat and wrapped her arms around Ryujin. The last thing she felt was a shard of glass cutting her cheek. 

"Because I love you, and I'd do it again, over and over." She whispered, fighting her tears back. 

"I just hope you know how much you mean to me. You changed my life, you made me believe that I was worth loving. I know I seem ungrateful for this life you've spared me, but sunshine, I don't even know if I am alive. Not after you've left me." 

Ryujin's body was wracked with sobs, leaving Julia in pure terror, not knowing what to do. 

She wanted to tell her how much she loved her, how she was right there, and how she never left her side, even if she couldn't see her. She wanted to tell her that she was all the beautiful things in the world and so much more, how she was the best thing that ever happened to her. She wanted to scream. 

But she couldn't, nothing she could do would console the blonde. She's never been in more pain. 

Maybe this was Hell.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Their small apartment was plunged into darkness, their only light source being the strawberry shortcake centered on their coffee table, lit with six candles- one for every year they've been together. 

It was their anniversary, yet neither felt like celebrating. 

Julia watched the flickering flames, catching hints of orange and yellow, light tips of blue. She liked the way they illuminated Ryujin's face, and how the shadows danced around her cheeks, she imagined that she was the one planting soft kisses on her skin. 

What she didn't like was silence, and the now raven haired girl was nothing but. 

The last two anniversaries were all memories and heartbreak, but they weren't calm, they weren't quiet. And so she waits. 

"Julia?" It's been almost three years since her heart has stopped beating, but it always felt alive whenever she heard Ryujin call her name. 

"I have a gift for you..." She whispered, staring at one of the strawberries that was on the verge of sliding off the melting cream. 

She had no idea how the girl could possibly give her a gift in their condition, she listened expectantly. 

"I.. I'm letting you go." 

Her heart dropped, and so did the rest of the world. 

"It's so unfair of me to hold on to you, to ask you day after day to come back. I know I'm disrupting your peace." The raven haired girl whispered in a barely audible voice. 

"I think I'm ready, I.. think I'm ready to move on, to start over again. We never got to say goodbye properly, so I think now's the time to.. have some closure." 

Julia was shaking, she couldn't control her tears, she couldn't catch her breath, and she felt like she was thrown onto the sea with an anchor hanging on her shoulders. 

"But this doesn't mean that I no longer love you. God, I do, so damn much that it still hurts, and it doesn't stop hurting. I want it to stop hurting, because I don't know how much more I can take." 

Ryujin's voice was shaky, and she knew she was about to cry. A sight that always broke her and left her helpless. 

"I know you can hear me, so please, blow the candles out if you understand. Show me you're here, and put my heart to rest." 

She didn't want to. She wasn't ready, would never be ready to let go of everything she had left. Without Ryujin, she was nothing. But who was she to deny the girl anything? 

One by one, the flames died, and a part of Julia's heart died with them. 

"Happy anniversary, my sunshine. I'm setting you free." 

Ryujin lights another candle, the colors are deeper.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's been months since the last time Ryujin prepared her a bowl of anything for breakfast, so when she sets two bowls of hot porridge down on their coffee table, she was completely baffled. 

She sat on her usual stool, surprised at how bright the shade of brown was on her mug of hot choco- 

It was different. 

She took a sniff and was flooded with the strong scent of coffee. Neither of them were big coffee people, she remembers having hot chocolate every single morning they spent together. 

She was in for another surprise when she heard the semi piercing ringing of their doorbell, even more so when she saw a redhead welcomed inside. 

"Thanks for inviting me over, I'm quite surprised to see that you don't live in some winter wonderland." The redhead teased, and Ryujin rolled her eyes. 

"Whatever, have a seat, I fixed us some breakfast." 

The redhead chooses her stool, causing Julia to topple out of it, trying to get off on time. She rubbed the spot she imagined would be sore in her elbow. 

"Uhhh can you sit on the other side? She used to sit there." 

"She must've meant a lot to you, huh?" 

"More than anything in this world, to this day." 

She sighs and wonders why her time had run out so fast, and why the universe just had to take it out on her. 

"I'm sure she was lovely." 

"She is." 

Julia plants a kiss on Ryujin's cheek before running out of their apartment, not being able to take the energy any longer.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She gave her a bouquet of white and pink roses, just like the ones from her funeral. The vibrancy of the colors scared her, she didn't know if she liked them as much. 

Ryujin was smiling today, she missed seeing her whisker like dimples, the same ones she hasn't seen in almost five years now. But somehow, it scared her too. 

"Hey Julia, I've got some good news!" The raven haired girl sat beside the searing stone, it was a tad bit too warm out, and Julia's gravestone took a beating from the Sun. 

The brunette sat on the opposite side, fingers trailing over the rims of the outer petals, listening expectantly. 

"Yeji and I are official!" Ryujin says excitedly, throwing a fistful of grass up into the air for added effect. 

Ryujin has finally found happiness without her, and the moment was bittersweet. 

She felt relieved, because she knew that Ryujin conquered the pain, and that she'd have someone to fulfill all her hopes and dreams with. She was happy, and she deserves to be. 

But at the same time, it meant that she was no longer hers, and that their tragic love story has come to an end. There was a chance that Ryujin would forget just how much she loved her, and only remember her as the "girlfriend who died". 

It never occurred to her that she would have to be the one to let go. 

"Thank you Julia, for giving me the best years of my life, and for sparing me more. You'll always have a special place in my heart, my sunshine." 

Julia plucks one of the pink roses from her bouquet before getting in the car. For the first time in five years, Ryujin doesn't fasten the seat belt attached to the passenger's seat.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several boxes littered the floor of their apartment, and there was hardly any more space to step on. 

Ryujin has been up for hours, going on final rounds to check for missing items, doubling tape, and dealing with balances. 

She was moving out after more than a decade of living in their small apartment. She was moving in with Yeji in a brand new one. 

The colors were way too bright for Julia's eyes today, and Ryujin moving out was way too painful for her heart. She sat on her usual stool, arms laid across their coffee table. Ryujin wasn't taking it with her. 

Julia wasn't going to follow the raven haired girl to her new home. She was no longer part of the picture, she didn't want to cross the line. She was alright in their apartment, now only hers. It wasn't anything much, but it was home. 

Soon all the boxes were gone, and so was Ryujin. She walked around, eventually finding her way into their bedroom. She still remembers their first night, not being able to sleep because the excitement refused to fade away, talking about all their plans for the future. 

"If only," Julia sighs, lifting herself up to the edge of their bed.

She knew that in a few years, she'd be the only one to remember everything so meticulously. In a few years, everything that was "theirs" would only be "hers". In a few years, the love of her life would be someone else's, she was already fading away into the background. In a few years, she would be all alone, finding a way to put the pieces back together. In a few years, she would only be a shadow, trying so hard to relive the past. 

In a few years, she'd be nothing. 

The colors seemed to tone down a little, and their door creaks open to reveal a teary eyed Ryujin. 

"Goodbye Julia, watch over me, hmm? I love you." She hasn't forgotten her just yet. 

"I love you too, always." 

Who'd ever thought that the dead could mourn the living.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, you! Thank you for making it this far! It means the world to me. Comments are highly appreciated! Again, thank you for reading!


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